i feel dirty

i scrubbed my skin with neat bleach on a scourer. it isn’t enough. i couldn’t scrub where i really needed to because i realised if i had to get medical attention for it, it would be traumatising. 

i wish i was a snake so i could wiggle out of my skin and burn it. 

i have asprin and razors in my room. i don’t even really want to use them because they won’t make me clean. 

i had a meeting today, they’re trying to move me to a different home because i’m apparently not trying hard enough to recover and be independent and not rely on the support. it’s infuriating, they have absolutely no idea how hard i have to try just to get out of bed each day, and i do some much more than that, they didn’t even want to know what i actually did for myself and for my recovery. 

Asking me where I want to be in 6 months time, a year etc. is horrible, saying i need to be ready to move on within a set period of time does not work for me. I can’t imagine being strong enough to cope on my own. I don’t know how long it will take me to get to this point. Will I get there without therapy? will i ever get therapy? Talk of my future makes me feel like i have to kill myself now because i can’t be alive in the future, i can just about cope thinking one day at a time. it’s too hard, they’re not listening to how much i do, or how i feel about where my life is going, or asking me what works and what doesn’t. 

fed up of the lot of them. 

i feel so alone in the world.


chibird:

Fat has such a negative connotation that people are judging their own bodies too harshly. Your body is not your enemy!

chibird:

Fat has such a negative connotation that people are judging their own bodies too harshly. Your body is not your enemy!


friendlyaxolotl:

comic about how I’ve been feeling recently

(via lifeinsideacarehome)


lickystickypickyshe:

bringithmebooks:

Me running away from reality.

ditto

(via cinderellsa)


1. Chocolate is only a temporary fix.

2. A properly-fitting bra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.

3. Your happiness is your happiness and yours alone.

4. How to apply red lipstick.

5. How to wear the crap out of red lipstick.

6. A boyfriend does not validate your existence.

7. Eat the extra slice of pizza.

8. Wear what makes you feel gracefully at ease.

9. Love the world unconditionally.

10. Seek beauty in all things.

11. Buy your friends dinner when you can.

12. Wear sunscreen like it’s your second job.

13. Try with all your might to keep in contact with far-away friends.

14. Make the world feel at ease around you.

15. Walk with your head up.

16. Order a cheeseburger on the first date if you want to.

17. Never, ever bite your nails.

18. Swipe on some lipstick, put on your leather jacket, and sneak into a bar somewhere.

19. Learn from your mistakes that night.

20. Dental hygiene is not multiple choice.

21. Your GPA is not a confession of your character.

22. There is strength in breaking down.

23. You don’t have to like yoga.

24. Pick a tea.

25. Take care of your feet.

26. Pick a perfume.

27. Even if you’re tall, wear the heels anyway.

28. Classy is a relative term.

29. Drink whiskey if you like whiskey.

30. Drink wine if you like wine.

31. Like what you like.

32. Offer no explanation.

33. Advil and Gatorade.

34. You are no less of a woman when you’re in sweats and gym shoes than a woman in stilettos and a pencil skirt.

35. A woman is a woman is a woman.

36. Love your fellow woman with all your heart and soul.

37. Cry, uninhibited, with your friends.

38. Laugh until you can’t breathe with your friends.

39. Tell me everything.

40. Exercise to be strong and healthy. A beautiful soul needs a sturdy vessel.

41. There is no shame in hoping for love.

42. My cooking is the best cooking.

43. Do not take sex lightly.

44. I mean it.

45. Anna Karenina. I’d like it if you read it.

46. The world spins on the principle of inherent tragedy.

47. Do not be blind to it.

48. Men are effectively idiots until the age of 26.

49. Carbohydrates are not the enemy.

50. Involve yourself in an organized activity of your choosing.

51. Listen to classical music occasionally.

52. Take hot baths.

53. Do not use bath salts.

54. You are more than capable.

55. I promise.

56. Don’t smile if you don’t mean it.

57. Mean your anger. Mean your sadness. Mean your pain.

58. I am always, always listening.

59. Travel.

60. Get stuck in a foreign country with $4.67 in your account.

61. Make me furious.

62. Make me worry.

63. Come home smelly, tired, and with a good story.

64. Your story isn’t really yours.

65. You are a compilation of others’ stories.

66. Well-fitting and modest is ALWAYS sexier than too small and tight.

67. Who cares if glitter isn’t tasteful?

68. It’s too much eyeliner if you have to ask.

69. Learn to bake for when you’re sad and I’m not there.

70. Humility and subservience are not synonyms.

71. Wash your face twice per day.

72. Be gentle with your skin.

73. Science is really cool.

74. So is literature.

75. And history.

76. And math.

77. There is no substitute for fresh air.

78. Carry your weight.

79. Make up for it later if you can’t.

80. That salad is not better than pasta and it never will be.

81. You’re fooling no one.

82. Find at least three green vegetables you can tolerate.

83. A smoothie is not a meal.

84. Expect the best from everyone.

85. People will let you down.

86. Bask in the sun (wearing a sunhat and SPF 90).

87. There is a certain kind of man you need to avoid at all costs.

88. You’ll know it when you meet him.

89. What other people say is right doesn’t always feel right.

90. What feels right is where your happiness is.

91. Give thoughtful gifts.

92. Form an opinion.

93. Stick to it.

94. Exfoliation in moderation.

95. Argue with people when you need to.

96. If it’s worth fighting for, fight fiercely.

97. Don’t fight for acceptance.

98. You shouldn’t have to.

99. Take pictures, but not too many.

100. Follow your bliss at all costs. (I’m cutting you off at 22, though).

101. Chocolate ice cream, however, might just be a permanent fix.



l0kasenna:

officialnatasharomanoff:

slecnaztemnot:

nmscares:

#DidYouKnow #Deaf #DeafAwareness #education #SignLanguage #advocacy #NMSCares

This is actually sadly relevant. I had a lecture this summer about sign languages and Deaf culture and when I was finished, one hearing girl from the audience stayed behind to ask me some more question.
She asked me: “And your parents use sign language, right?” Like it was the most obvious thing in the world and why is she even asking this, of course my parents must know sign language.
"No… They don’t, actually."
"And how do you communicate, then?"
"Talking?"
"But… isn’t that complicated for you?"
"It is, sometimes."
"They probably didn’t have time for it…" she said. And I haven’t the heart to tell her that my father was offered sign language courses several times, that I offered to teach them some signs and that they always refused.
But I did told her: “It is not that rare. Most of deaf people I know have hearing parents who don’t sign.”
It’s the sad truth. People are willing to pay for surgeries to “repair” their children, but they are not willing to learn something to communicate with them.

i’d like to add onto this with my own personal experience, too. i was born hearing, but as soon as i was diagnosed as HoH, my parents didn’t do anything to learn ASL. they were quick to put me in classes, but they wouldn’t when i suggested to them that they take the classes with me so that we could learn.
i’ve tried to teach my mom how to sign numerous times, but she always says that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” to which i tell her that she can learn, she just doesn’t want to. which is true. neither of my parents want to learn how to sign, but they want me to be able to hear perfectly so they don’t have to repeat themselves.
little do they know that their frustration with me not being able to hear them would be solved if they would just learn how to sign. maybe signing something to me once instead of repeating themselves four times and then getting mad would be more beneficial.

I’m absolutely shocked at this, it’s never crossed my mind that many parents wouldn’t even try to meet their hard of hearing kids halfway.

70% that’s unbelievable, why wouldn’t you want to communicate with your child

l0kasenna:

officialnatasharomanoff:

slecnaztemnot:

nmscares:

#DidYouKnow #Deaf #DeafAwareness #education #SignLanguage #advocacy #NMSCares

This is actually sadly relevant. I had a lecture this summer about sign languages and Deaf culture and when I was finished, one hearing girl from the audience stayed behind to ask me some more question.

She asked me: “And your parents use sign language, right?” Like it was the most obvious thing in the world and why is she even asking this, of course my parents must know sign language.

"No… They don’t, actually."

"And how do you communicate, then?"

"Talking?"

"But… isn’t that complicated for you?"

"It is, sometimes."

"They probably didn’t have time for it…" she said. And I haven’t the heart to tell her that my father was offered sign language courses several times, that I offered to teach them some signs and that they always refused.

But I did told her: “It is not that rare. Most of deaf people I know have hearing parents who don’t sign.”

It’s the sad truth. People are willing to pay for surgeries to “repair” their children, but they are not willing to learn something to communicate with them.

i’d like to add onto this with my own personal experience, too. i was born hearing, but as soon as i was diagnosed as HoH, my parents didn’t do anything to learn ASL. they were quick to put me in classes, but they wouldn’t when i suggested to them that they take the classes with me so that we could learn.

i’ve tried to teach my mom how to sign numerous times, but she always says that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” to which i tell her that she can learn, she just doesn’t want to. which is true. neither of my parents want to learn how to sign, but they want me to be able to hear perfectly so they don’t have to repeat themselves.

little do they know that their frustration with me not being able to hear them would be solved if they would just learn how to sign. maybe signing something to me once instead of repeating themselves four times and then getting mad would be more beneficial.

I’m absolutely shocked at this, it’s never crossed my mind that many parents wouldn’t even try to meet their hard of hearing kids halfway.

70% that’s unbelievable, why wouldn’t you want to communicate with your child

(via findingmindfulness)



hanstickles:

Let’s get down to business
to defeat THE HANS !

hanstickles:

Let’s get down to business

to defeat THE HANS !

(via cinderellsa)


rubyetc:

29/9

rubyetc:

29/9


(via onwardmydear)


teencry:

do you ever get so obsessed with a game that you start playing it in your head before you sleep

(via everythingsgonnabeokay17)


How much pain fits inside a person?


Art for Cinderella

Art for Cinderella

(via cinderellsa)


(via rubyetc)